Belonging

So, after watching Wicked, and going through the Cotillion, i realized how important belonging is to me.

Ever since I was a kid, I was always seen as "Andrew's Brother" I never had my own niche. In middle school, everyone made fun of me because i was small, and asian. No one really liked me, though I did have a few close friends. I just... didn't belong. I came from a different world, everyone was white, or grew up in a privileged family. I mean, it hurts to be outcast, and really have no one to go to, right? I always wanted to be cool, to be part of the crowd... for people to know my name, for people to invite me places, to want to hang out with me, talk to me, and just enjoy their time with me. But it never happened back then. I guess that's why I try to be welcoming to everyone? And Wicked, it's kind of based on that kind of theme, not judging people, and seeing the good in everyone. it's hard. anywho,

during the cotillion, i guess it was a good experience for me because i felt like i was part of something bigger than myself. Like, i was never good enough to have any real importance on any sports team, or any organization where i felt appreciated until now. Like, I felt everyone accepted me, and liked me, and appreciated me! i mean i feel that way a little more in van nghe now, but this was the first time someone actually wanted me to be a part of something important, that i cared about, you know? anywho, i hope this satisfies francis. ;D

i guess my biggest fear is that i won't belong, which is why i kind of molded my life around being someone who everyone likes, and I don't like it when people don't like me... you know? and i guess i try to make everyone happy. haha. oh well.