Nostalgia

just looked at onelove/vyc/tet picture... fuck man, things have changed... can i make things as amazing as they were? or is me trying to live up to expectations another of my failings?

seriously?

do i really need to hold your guys' hands all the time?
fuck, do i really have to do everything myself?
this just dissapoints me, how you guys can't handle SHIT.
have a question? ASK?! fuck man. talk to each other, i can't be
your fucking messenger all the time. fucking dipshits.
AND IF YOU DON"T GIVE A SHIT THEN FUCK OFF,
seriously, i know i'm just mad right now and don't mean it.
but why do something that you don't give a shit about?
you're just making everything harder on me.
And I know i'm selfish, but seriously, you being selifsh just destroys
everything that I, and the others, have worked for and search for.
STOP BEING SELFISH! not only are you stopping things from
happening, YOU"RE FUCKING HOLDING IT BACK.
why do i waste my time with you? FUCK.

okay. i'm calmed down after that. okay not really. it's just
fucking stupid. thank god i have this vacation. but you know what?
i can't even relax here because i have to worry about you guys all the fucking time.
shit.

okay, my fault, i hate how there was a miscommunication. i need to work on my communication skills. awewaelfhawiefuhewfwfwiuaflhefiwfhewaafwfewl.

I just finished reading Twilight, the first book in the twilight series..

i find myself relating to Edward in so many ways. no, not the outrageous good lucks and multiple talents, just how he searches for a place to belong, while never really fitting in. How he needs Bella (sorry for spoilers) and she needs him back. i know i want something like that... something you know isn't good for you, but you still do it against your better judgment, just for that tiny sliver of hope that something will work out. someone to fall in love with... to ease the loneliness once in a while. someone to talk to, to trust, and confide in, in that special way. meh. x]

Determination in the Face of Adversity

Determination
We.Will.Persevere.Why.Because.We.Have.Better.Days.Ahead.

Myself.Not.Enough.Learn.To.Trust.

Cryptic.Much? ;D

Leadership

So, I have lots of things in my head that I don't want to push onto people, you know, like forcing them to take my opinion and whatnot.

BUT ANYWAYS.

Leadership has always been important to me in my life. And the strongest leaders are those that I admire and aspire to be like.

So, what do I think leaders should be like? What do I want to be like? Here's the breakdown. (Major Crest References) In no particular order.

1. Strong Conversationalist

Being a strong conversationalist is very key to uber leadership skillz. A strong leader (and awesome person) will be a GREAT listener. Willing to listen to everyone, not just about whatever they're leading, but really caring about the person. Part of being a good conversationalist is knowing when to talk, and when to listen. They must exude comfort and be very approachable.

2. An Open Mind

A strong leader must have an open mind. S/he must be willing to listen to all opinions and take them all into consideration. Even if they aren't what s/he wants to do, or agree with, they should still think about it and swallow their pride if a better idea comes up. Also, they should not judge others and try to remain as unbiased and accepting as possible.

3. Patience

With great leadership comes awesome amounts of patience. A good leader will have to be patient, despite their high expectations. Strong leaders can deal with people in a patient manner, and not get frustrated easily.

4. Morals

Not only should a good leader have strong morals, but also stick to their morals no matter what. They should know what they believe in and know what they want for whatever their leading.

5. Respect/Trust

A good leader leads by example. In doing this, the leader will gain the respect of others. By always being reliable, the leader gains trust. The actions and behaviour of the leader must allow others to respect and trust him/her.

6. Kindness

A leader must be kind. S/he must show this kindness towards everyone. Kindness will get others to listen to him/her and will also gain the respect of others. A kind leader will always try to work things out among the other leaders or any other conflicts that arise.

7. Hope/Trust in Others

They have to trust in the people they put things in charge of. However, they must also know what to do when these people fail to be committed and care about the club. They also must remain optimistic and keep everything in perspective. They must be able to be the last one standing and bring everyone around them up.

8. Self-Critical

Strong leaders must be able to see thier own strengths and flaws, and correct them. They must be able to look ahead and make themselves as good of leaders as they can be. They must be able to look into themselves and realize that they can also be wrong, and have some improving to do.

9.

Potential Very Strong Leaders that I see (highschool)?
Patrick
Lowell
Francis
more later x]


more later... i r lazy.

Andrew's Blog

"Church

I really enjoy days like today. (Skip down for the summary of this post, so you don't have to read all of it, haha.)

Even though I woke up later than I should have (~2PM), I was able to tackle my studying (somewhat) and eat healthily (not really).

For my only meal of the day I had 2 Tiger Burgers (with cheese), 2 orders of onion rings (xxxtra grease) and an order of chicken tenders flanked by 3 cases of BBQ sauce. For a good 20 minutes, I thought I was going to die from eating too much. Then I got over it because eating too much is the absolute worst thing about which to bitch and moan. African kids starving and stuff.

But I think the most clarifying part of my day was going to church. Now, I rarely leave church with any sense of epiphanical (yes, it's a fake word) understanding. At best, I walk out of my pew and depart God's not-so-humble house with a sense of satisfaction, but this time was different somehow.

The priest, who I generally dislike, said a few things that rang a bit more powerfully than I expected. In between waking up Kim, I listened.

Fear of God, of disappointing God, will save you from hell. Avoiding sin, living a devout, moral and faithful life will definitely keep you out of the fiery pits, but any such life lived out of fear is incomplete, lacking full sincerity in our pursuit of true happiness. To feel remorse, or guilty, as Catholics so often do, is to be incomplete. Full contrition requires more than just guilt, more than faith, more than morality.

Morals and faith will keep you out of hell, but it will not necessarily thrust you beyond the gates of heaven. Jesus said that the greatest commandment is to love God with all your heart, soul, strength and mind; to love your neighbor as yourself. Like Descartes's infamously misquoted "I think; I am," this commandment is not separated in two parts.

It is often interpreted as loving God and then loving your neighbor. However, in truth, Jesus is saying that loving God fully is the same thing as loving your neighbor, and vice versa. If you love others wholeheartedly, then it means that you love God. Thus, it is not the fear of sin that saves, but rather, the love you have for humanity, and as a part of that, God. Only with love can the doors of heaven be opened to you.

God doesn't need your love. He isn't some egotistical yet emotionally insecure boyfriend who needs attention. Jesus tells us to love not for God's sake. We need to love for our own sakes. We need to love because in doing so, we make ourselves whole. We are one with each other and ourselves. Such wholeness, such perfection, IS heaven.

And if you don't believe in a "God" whom you can love, nor a "heaven" to which you can go after death, I tell you now: I agree. "Heaven" isn't a place to which we journey, nor is "God" a person to whom your love should be directed. Jesus himself said that the Kingdom of Heaven is on Earth, within you. It is a state of being when all is in perfection. Thus do we find God. Not a person, but a state of being.

Jesus didn't die thinking, "I'm going to save humanity because they're all sinners." Jesus died to show that he loved humanity as he loved himself, to show that it may even take death to love, but once dead, that love permeates and reverberates within himself and should be matched within all humanity. Yes, Jesus saved us, because he showed us that complete love is the only salvation.

So get rid of your conventional views of God and Jesus. We are all inherently equal in holiness because we are all born with the ability to love. The only thing that determines our salvation and our experience of heaven is our ability to continue that love. It's not about being moral, or about believing in "God." These things are human goals and only fulfill part of our spiritual entirety. They only get you out of hell, meaning the most you can be is content. Full happiness, or heaven, comes from selfless love.


Then, after church, I studied at the library, where I enjoyed storytime with Joe Park. Needless to say, not enough studying was done. That's why I'm up now, with Josh Espejo drooling on my pillow.

<3 genetics.






Summary:
God doesn't need our love. WE need our love. Faith and morals keep us from hell, but don't put us in heaven. Love puts us in heaven. God isn't a person, and Jesus isn't someone we worship. God is a state of being, and Jesus is the guy who gets it right. He isn't the Almighty in terms of universal power. He is the Almighty in terms of endless love. We don't worship Him. We just wanna be like him. We are saved not from our lack of sin, but from our ability to love wholeheartedly.

I sound like a douche, but I'm freakin' right about this. I know it."


(It's Matt now)

So, today i had two pennies i left them on my bed, feeling they were useless. :(!

then i went to mcdonalds, i needed 22 cents to get 2 sweet and sour sauces. (damn McD's)
too bad i got owned!!! boy i wish i had those 2 pennies. :( i realized that, nothing is worthless. haha! weird connection to make, but i made it! It was weird, because my mom was talking about how she said "strangers are so interesting!" i realized that everything is valuable, even people. WE're all humans, and everyone should be treated like one. I know i have to work on this too. But someone else said "we all fight a war with ourself, it's part of being human". hahaha

that's just my 2 cents. :D!

Because Reason Says.

Look I find, some of what you teach... suspect.
Because I'm used to relying on intellect.
But I try to open up,
To what I don't know.

Because Reason Says
I Should Have Died,
3 Years Ago.

There's only us.
There's only this.
Forget Regret.
Or Life is Yours to Miss.

No Other Road,
No Other Way.
No Day But Today.



Sometimes we have to stop trying to reason everything, and just do what our hearts tell us.