"Good Job Singing"

I have always believed that when one becomes inspired, they can do great things. I also believe that to inspire someone takes genuine heart, passion, and an outlook on life that allows others to feel comfortable within themselves. My dream is to become an inspiration. To inspire anyone is worth the trouble to do it, because it can set up a chain of reactions that will lead to a powerful force, MLK or Gandhi are good examples.

A while back, I went on a retreat called JAC 62, the Junior Apostolates for Christ. This was one of my first retreats, I can barely remember it, and I don't remember when it was. Andy's dad just took me and my bro (and andy) down to san francisco for a retreat. I didn't even know what a retreat was. The retreat was run by almost all Filipinos (foreshadowing of my life maybe?), and was one of the life changing moments of my life. From then on, i wanted to live, laugh, sing and dance as hard and as loud as all those people there. You could say that that was the moment in my life where I would change and start breaking out of my shell, (though many other events also sparked this movement). I remember only 2 persons from JAC clearly, one was Mia, i only remember her because i had a cush on her. The other was Sister Zahra. I remember that how I was so quiet then, I didn't want to do anything, i mean, I had never been outside my comfort zone before. When we were singing, they were trying to motivate us, I wasn't a singer. But sister Zahra said "Good Job Singing, Brother Matt!". Forever changed. If you guys know me, you know how i love to sing. And all started from a simple compliment. Her and I weren't close, (i wasn't really close to anyone in JAC, I was young) but her words are forever in my memory. I just found out that she died yesterday. (she was like 20 something). I guess in death, I remember the inspiration she gave me, and it motivates me. Any small words can lead to something big, life changing. I don't know what I would do if i didn't sing, (probably be lame and learn to jerk) but I do know that she set my feet onto the path, opened my horizons, and helped me to grow into full expression of myself, as I want to inspire others to do. If anything, to everyone out there, "Good Job Singing" doesn't mean you are singing well. To me, it means that you're doing a good job just for singing, and throwing your heart and pride out there. Expressing yourself, and sharing yourself with others.

RIP Sister Zahra Era

Brother Matt JAC 62

HAP-E-NEST

I GOT A NEW LAPTOP! I NOTICED THAT THE SPACEBAR ISN"T THATRESPONSIVE< SO SOMETIMES I HAVEWORDS CLOSE TOGETHER :(!

but it's nice! well, its an improvement over my old one (no CD drive fails)! and i like getting new things.

I guess when i get something new, it's open, its fresh. It's like something i can explore, and customize to make it my own. Something that i'll grow with, and become attached with. and it's shiny. :)! i like new things, haha. I'm naturally curious, so i like figuring things out and finding things out! partially why i like to get to know people and stuffs. :)

i'm sick, and tired, but i'm kinda happy with how i did even though i felt like shit all weekend xD

Can't think of a title.

I got a feeling. That my life's going to be pretty good! optimism is always important to me, even when things are down in the dumps, i always pick myself up. I think part of it is that, i can rely on people. I think right now, my favorites are _________________,_______________, and _____________. haha! Thom Merrilin is one. Matrim Cauthon is another one, and the Rose of the Sun. I feel a strong connection with the Charging Boar, who has so much potential. We'll see how that plays out. TOO LAZY. failblog ;]

Balance and Business

So, there's so many things I want to do. From the way it looks like it now, this is how my monday's and wednesday's are.

Monday
8:15-10:35 Intro Jazz, Evergreen Valley College
1 or 2 until 2:30 Cotillion Practice
3-4:40 Intro Hip Hop, De Anza
5:10-7:00 Intro Ballet, De Anza
7:30-9:10 Intro Contemporary, De Anza

9:20-10:30 Bus home

wow.

Wednesday is basically monday without cotillion practice... so i have to take the bus to de anza (about 2 hours) xD

i mean, i love dance, it's just crowded. and with VYC and Jamboree coming up, i'm going ot end up royally owned in the face! not to mention the cotillion... i wonder if taking all these dance classes will make me overcommitted. anywho, thursdays are still my free day (currently taken by swords) so i guess that'll be when i hang out. I wonder if people don't invite me to things because i'm busy? that makes me sad. Like, i always try to make people happy and stuff, which makes it hard... it kind of makes me feel left out when i'm not invited to do something, you know? i guess everyone feels that way. Life is fun though, if a bit intense. x] It's just i feel left out sometimes, i wanted to not take any dance classes, and hang out with my friends more? but it's like, when van nghe goes on hiatus, i'll have so much more time! xD so i just need to live through like 4 more weeks, hhaaha. it's just like ugh. xD hopefully dance classes are really fun! :D! and worth it. I liked the idea of bussing so i could go wherver i wanted when i wanted. but i guess i don't have to waste lots of time on public transporation. x]]

oh well, i'm too busy, harharhar. night all! maybe update later.

People

Blogging before my computer turns off!

Tomorrow, dance class starts. I'm nervous! :)! but excited. I really try to force myself to try new things. And I think I'm doing alright! Van Nghe today was kind of disappointing, but I didn't let it get to me. I figure that when they have real drums in front of them, they'll just get the energy back! And just by being energetic, I hope that I can bring up the energy level of the other members too! I want to get to know Frere better. He's one of the people that have inspired me the most, but I don't know him on a personal level. He's definitely one of the leaders I aspire to be like, in humility and charisma. And well, I think I will miss these times right now. I mean, I better make them fun-filled, right? :)! I think that I'm going to study something about social justice or international studies. I really want to make a difference. Like. A real difference. does anybody remember my idea about atrocityawareness.com ? I want to make a website where I can put all the wrong things happening in the world on it, so people know what's up! and i want to help people. By raising money, going to do service, and all the stuff! it doesn't matter who, just help someone. To do that, i need to get educated, and get the leadership skills and drive to really start living my life for others. Hopefully I'll still want to do this in 10 minutes. Maybe I'm growing up. I lost my chain of thought, OH YEAH good job title.. xD I've been thinking a lot about people. I always thought that its sad when people die because, everyone has a friend or famimly that will be sad if that person dies, no matter who they are. And well, perspectively, everybody has feelings, and emotions, so shouldn't we treat everyone with respect? I'm going to pay special attention to how other people feel around me, and if i'm wasting away their life by being mean to them. I want to keep in mind that everyone has their own story, their own dreams, perspectives, and input, and they can truly change and become a better person if someone is kind to them. A lesson learned from Hoang. One small decision can be a big decision in disguise. :)!

"Open Up My Eyes and,
Open Up My Mind and,
I wonder, how life
will surprise me today."
-A Beautiful Day, India Arie.

problem solved

okay, anthony said the viet class is basic and it sucks, therefore, i'm taking hip hop! :D!

xD xD if i get in, i'm waitlisted. :(!

VOTING TIME!

OKAY! HERE"S THE DEAL, I NEED EVERYONE'S OPINION ON THIS!

I can take. 2 courses.

Introduction to Hip Hop! class is 3:30 - 4:40 TTH
which is a really interesting class! but i can always take it in college!

OR

Viet 1 2:30-7:10 MTWTH

I want to take Viet because my vietnamese suxx, but the problem is that class is monday-thursday, which means i have to miss cotillion practice!(on monday) (i'm the escort, so that would be epic fails.) and! there's no vietnamese offered at davis. (yeah i know, wtf?)

SO WHICH SHOULD I TAKE? VOTE NOWZZZ BY COMMENT! :D!

Life is a Journey

So today, i got criticized. I wasn't too happy about it, but i also didn't take it as seriously as i normally do. Partially because the way it was presented didn't really make me want to listen to it. But i will! :D! maybe i am immature, i can grow, right? life is a journey, what's the rush. Anyways, I am lazy, and I am working on it. So don't judge me please. (i've decided to censor this blog a little bit so people don't get mad at me... x]) so, i forgot what i realized about myself today, i guess it wasn't that important. x] anywho, i'm reading someone else's blogs, and I kind of find myself thinking snide comments and mean thoughts in my head. I think its because i'm jealous, haha. I need to chilllll and just take things as they come! i'm proud of the people that came to the Moving On Ceremony Planning Meeting Today! I think i did a good job leading! :)! hopefully i can grow as a leader. I'm looking forward to doing that leadership blog with anthony. :D! anyways, i really like inspiring patrick, because he listens to me! hahah, and well, he seems like he wants to learn and grow. Sure, he makes lots of mistakes (sorry, it's true :P) but he tries to do the right thing, and learn from them. The one thing that sets him apart from the other people is that he has an open mind to try anything, and is willing to accept the blame. I guess his fault (like mine) is that he feels guilty for everything, but that will just open him up to improvement, right? Hopefully he can find people to let him know when its not his fault, and that he's doing a good job of living his life on his terms. (GOOD JOB PAT!) i guess i don't want to dissapoint andrew brian either, eh? but still going to do it because i want to, i'm tired of living life the way other people want me to, haha. :P! and i'm glad i got to know the other swordies better! :D!

so, Life is journey. Not a destination. And it's been a pretty good journey so far! :D! (well today was anyways.) it's nice to know that people are interested in what i have to say. x]]

"Let's Do It, Let's Live It Up"

So, after friending people, they would be wondering why i have this blog! well, this blog is my more personal blog, which was kind of an alternative to the other one (which is why i never blogged on the other one) but now i'm just having one all purpose blog! tired of hiding things, i suppose. Not everything read on here will be pleasant or interesting, but who caters to other people nowadays? ;D

anyways, that's my explanation. x]

anyways, I've been listening to I Gotta Feeling by Black Eyed Peas. Really good song. haha
I found that I really like to blog late at night, maybe because that's when I'm the most tired and my mind isn't as willing to protect itself as it normally is, who knows? Anyways, I've been reading the book "21 Irrefutable Qualities of a Leader" or something like that. Which Anthony lent me! He's one of my mentors. More on that later. :)! I think i'm going to be blogging about a the chapters here, as subject matter (have i posted something like that already?)
NEW TECHNIQUE! WALL OF TEXT! as jordan put it. I follow no rules, so i'm going to use his name again ^____^! i'm jealous of francis for getting his own car. but if anyone deserves it, he does, right? :D! So, i'm trying to work on having less expectations with for everyone. I was really dissapointed with the Van Nghe kids on sunday. Everyone is just so lazy. However, I blame the leaders. It seems in general, the leaders are unreliable, apathetic, and just plain lazy. They all set bad examples of work ethic and effort. If i had lazy leaders, i would be lazy too. To be honest, i feel like i'm one of the few that try to work to get people motivated and into the drum, and i feel like i get shit respect for it. No one listens to me because i've always been made fun of. And when I'm serious, people still make fun of me... but i'm not going to let that happen anymore. Anyone who thinks its easy to teach people can give it a shot if they want, all i want is a little respect, please. I hate it when other leaders use fear to motivate the group, and i'm trying to be nice, but i get taken advantage of. I guess that's another thing i need to work on as a leader, which is motivating people. Anthony gave me some good ideas, i should try them out. I ave too much pride to do other people's ideas, but i'll jsut force myself to. xD anyways, i'll keep trying in van nghe, and if people disrespect me, then i'll just have to see when it happens. I think i've worked hard and for a while to get my spot in van nghe right now, and i deserve at least a little respect for that. Jai Ho, fasho. VSU, we're planning for summer end dealie tomorrow, i don't think very many people are coming. It's not that they're all b usy or stuff, (well to be fair some are) but i think a lot of them would rather have other things to do. which is okay! i'll just show the people that i do have at my house a fun time! which hopefully motivates them to come back! and have fun and stuff! :)! i'm trying to use fun meetings as a way to get people motivated to come more. Leads to portion of passion in the leadership book. I don't know what my calling is yet. I mean, i want to do something where I can become a great leader! one part where i'm lacking is that i'm selfish still, i want people to appreciate me, and that's why i want to lead, to prove myself, and to get people to appreicate me. Only in van nghe and vsu did i really want to pass something on, and make others better. That's why i really want to start training vsu leaders. I think that using the summer show as a training method is a good idea, but i think we should have training sessions, and use the summer show as an application of that training. I don't believe in just letting them waddle around in the dark and just get f*cked up. we won't be there to fix the whole show in 5 minutes next year (although francis is a g in that aspect) I think i'm going to do training sessions. But what should i do? i want to buy the 21 irrefutable laws of leadership, and go off that 7 sessions of 3 laws each, haha. And i'll think of things to keep them busy. I want the club to be stronger, not just die like everyone thinks it will. anywho, those are my rants for today. x]] thanks for reading (if you did) :D! i'm proud of my agenda for the meeting. x]]

Blogging

From here on out, I shoot without a script.

haha. ;D rent references. From now on, this blog is open to everyone, so you guys don't have to keep it a secret or whatever anymore, anyone is welcome to read it, and bear with the consequences of doing so. But, i don't flame or bash people on here that much, so it shouldn't be a problem. However, I will start being a lot more honest, and try to blog more.

so the reason why i want to blog sort of is to impress people with the eloquence of my words... but i'm not really good at that. Instead, I will use blogging as a way to practice my rhetoric/writing skills, and at the same time practice expressing myself, because i feel like i hold a lot in.

Why do I not blog more often? Partially because I'm lazy, and partially because I just don't feel the need to express myself on a blog. And like, I guess it's hard fo rme to express what I"m thinking in my head and put it down on paper, because it tends to come out more as emotions than actual words. So, that brings me back to my problem with expressing myself, eh? x] hopefully things will turn up. I feel like I still have a lot of personal growth left to do, and i'm trying to push myself towards that. I've been reading this book about leadership (which is really good). I think i might use it as a tool to give me subject matter to blog about, and maybe help me open up and express how i feel about myself and others around me. I feel selfish, because everything that i do is for selfish reasons. I guess it's part of why being unselfish is so hard because you have to go against what you want for others. Which relates to how courage is useless if there is no fear (book reference) I guess i'll blog later about the traits. Like, to be honest, i wish i could be more like francis. He can express himself easily, doesn't seem to have the empathy issues i have, and has a great work ethic. I probably am hyping him up and not seeing his faults in my head, but all around, he's just a good guy. I agree with jordan about being jealous of francis and lowell for their skill with writing in an engaging way. I guess about half the people that read this will be bored or stop reading by the time they get to this statement. I should make this funnier. :P YAY CAPS EXCITING WOOT!!! now go read the last like 5 lines you skipped. ;D

hooray for growth of self expression and unselfishness and courage and all the fun stuff. ON another note, i'm really happy that I got to play basketball with FED people, just seeing them outside of practice makes me feel more like a part of the team, since i was kind of sheltered by anthony its hard to fit in. x]] I really hope i have more fun this summer and work to get money! I don't know what i should spend it on yet, but i know it'll be somehthing useful. I need to start working on more piano because i suck, and i want to improve on guitar because i want to beat out everyone else in college! :D! i'm really comptetitive. My life has constantly been a struggle: who i am against who i want to be. I get lazy, which is probably my biggest vice. I need to build discipline, which i'm glad that FEDs has been helping me with. I need to create a routine to do everyday without fail. I think i might go night running. I NEED TO BUY SHOES! and keep up with my leadership journal, which i will transpose onto here with my thoughts on the matter. I need to work on empowering people more, seeing everyone as a "10" and i want to go buy more leadership books. x]] and, i guess i feel really lonely lately. No one really gets me? like today when i was at home before catan, i just felt like...lame. Maybe because i haven't had a deep conversation with anyone about myself for a long time. But that's just because i don't want to... we'll see how college goes. I'm excited for that! and to become a better leader... struggling to live humbly.

"Action creates Habit, Habit creates Character, Character shapes your Destiny."

Attempt at Humility,
Matt

Fail

So, i realized that my tendencies in life are pretty rhythmic.

i coast along, with virtually no drama, and then i accidentally make a mistake and hurt someone, just because i don't tell them how i truly feel when something is really bothering me. Or when its bothering someone else, i just keep it inside because i'm too scared of people hurting me, or too scared that people will be mad at me. I try to protect people, but the only time i really tell them what's up is when i have to. The truth is, i'm weak. And i try to over come it, and only when i make these slips that really hurt someone else am i forced to confront whatever it is i'm dealing with. i mean on one hand, it kinda sucks i keep slipping, and on the other hand, i keep having these hidden judgments about people, which is bad too, right? i mean i haven't been fair to hai, i don't try to listen to his side of the story, but i'm scared to tell him the honest truth, because i don't want him to get hurt by it, and kill himself, but if i don't, it hurts everyone else, and he doesn't grow from it. "Love is the will to extend oneself for one's or another's spiritual growth, right?" so, i mean does this mean i love hai because i want to tell him what's up? i dunno, i've been forced into it by what i've said, but still, i'm going into this not even knowing his side of the story, which isn't fair.

if you still read this, leave a comment.