Fail

So, i realized that my tendencies in life are pretty rhythmic.

i coast along, with virtually no drama, and then i accidentally make a mistake and hurt someone, just because i don't tell them how i truly feel when something is really bothering me. Or when its bothering someone else, i just keep it inside because i'm too scared of people hurting me, or too scared that people will be mad at me. I try to protect people, but the only time i really tell them what's up is when i have to. The truth is, i'm weak. And i try to over come it, and only when i make these slips that really hurt someone else am i forced to confront whatever it is i'm dealing with. i mean on one hand, it kinda sucks i keep slipping, and on the other hand, i keep having these hidden judgments about people, which is bad too, right? i mean i haven't been fair to hai, i don't try to listen to his side of the story, but i'm scared to tell him the honest truth, because i don't want him to get hurt by it, and kill himself, but if i don't, it hurts everyone else, and he doesn't grow from it. "Love is the will to extend oneself for one's or another's spiritual growth, right?" so, i mean does this mean i love hai because i want to tell him what's up? i dunno, i've been forced into it by what i've said, but still, i'm going into this not even knowing his side of the story, which isn't fair.

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