Blogging

From here on out, I shoot without a script.

haha. ;D rent references. From now on, this blog is open to everyone, so you guys don't have to keep it a secret or whatever anymore, anyone is welcome to read it, and bear with the consequences of doing so. But, i don't flame or bash people on here that much, so it shouldn't be a problem. However, I will start being a lot more honest, and try to blog more.

so the reason why i want to blog sort of is to impress people with the eloquence of my words... but i'm not really good at that. Instead, I will use blogging as a way to practice my rhetoric/writing skills, and at the same time practice expressing myself, because i feel like i hold a lot in.

Why do I not blog more often? Partially because I'm lazy, and partially because I just don't feel the need to express myself on a blog. And like, I guess it's hard fo rme to express what I"m thinking in my head and put it down on paper, because it tends to come out more as emotions than actual words. So, that brings me back to my problem with expressing myself, eh? x] hopefully things will turn up. I feel like I still have a lot of personal growth left to do, and i'm trying to push myself towards that. I've been reading this book about leadership (which is really good). I think i might use it as a tool to give me subject matter to blog about, and maybe help me open up and express how i feel about myself and others around me. I feel selfish, because everything that i do is for selfish reasons. I guess it's part of why being unselfish is so hard because you have to go against what you want for others. Which relates to how courage is useless if there is no fear (book reference) I guess i'll blog later about the traits. Like, to be honest, i wish i could be more like francis. He can express himself easily, doesn't seem to have the empathy issues i have, and has a great work ethic. I probably am hyping him up and not seeing his faults in my head, but all around, he's just a good guy. I agree with jordan about being jealous of francis and lowell for their skill with writing in an engaging way. I guess about half the people that read this will be bored or stop reading by the time they get to this statement. I should make this funnier. :P YAY CAPS EXCITING WOOT!!! now go read the last like 5 lines you skipped. ;D

hooray for growth of self expression and unselfishness and courage and all the fun stuff. ON another note, i'm really happy that I got to play basketball with FED people, just seeing them outside of practice makes me feel more like a part of the team, since i was kind of sheltered by anthony its hard to fit in. x]] I really hope i have more fun this summer and work to get money! I don't know what i should spend it on yet, but i know it'll be somehthing useful. I need to start working on more piano because i suck, and i want to improve on guitar because i want to beat out everyone else in college! :D! i'm really comptetitive. My life has constantly been a struggle: who i am against who i want to be. I get lazy, which is probably my biggest vice. I need to build discipline, which i'm glad that FEDs has been helping me with. I need to create a routine to do everyday without fail. I think i might go night running. I NEED TO BUY SHOES! and keep up with my leadership journal, which i will transpose onto here with my thoughts on the matter. I need to work on empowering people more, seeing everyone as a "10" and i want to go buy more leadership books. x]] and, i guess i feel really lonely lately. No one really gets me? like today when i was at home before catan, i just felt like...lame. Maybe because i haven't had a deep conversation with anyone about myself for a long time. But that's just because i don't want to... we'll see how college goes. I'm excited for that! and to become a better leader... struggling to live humbly.

"Action creates Habit, Habit creates Character, Character shapes your Destiny."

Attempt at Humility,
Matt